Confidence - misunderstood?

What if we’ve misunderstood confidence all along?

What if we’ve gone years without allowing ourselves to fully experience it because we were waiting for certain events to happen in order to get it? We have turned confidence into an “If/Then” or “When/Then” statement.

“If I lose 20 pounds, then I’ll feel confident.”

“If I get promoted, then I’ll feel confident.”

“When I get my degree, then I’ll feel confident.”

“When I run that marathon, then I’ll feel confident.”

It’s a perpetual aspiration. When you achieve that event or goal, you might experience confidence for a moment in time. It feels amazing. But then where does it go? Why doesn’t it stay?

Perhaps we were wrong in that confidence isn’t based on achievement and that once you get it you always have it.

Confidence isn’t a by-product.

Confidence is a CHOICE. It’s a discipline. And it’s readily available to every one of us every second of every day.

You can choose to feel confident right now. You don’t have to wait for certain events to unfold or years to pass. You can have it right now.

“But Lisa, it’s not that easy. I can’t just flip on the switch.”

You’re right, it’s not always easy. If it were, it wouldn’t be an issue or challenge for any of us.

As with anything, the more you become aware of it, learn about it, find the right tools to strengthen it, and practice it, the better you become at it. Is it a process? Yes. Does it take work? Yes. Is it worth it?  Absolutely.

You can walk into that meeting with your head held high knowing that you will handle whatever comes your way to the best of your ability. Or you can walk into that meeting anxiety-ridden about not having all of the answers to the questions you might get asked. Whichever one you choose, you’re projecting how you’re feeling when you walk into that room.

A recent women’s leadership study* completed by KPMG, which surveyed more than 3,000 professional and college women on the qualities and experiences that contribute to women’s leadership and advancement in the workplace, showed that two in three respondents (67%) believed they needed more support building their confidence to feel like they could be a leader. It also found that almost six in 10 working women respondents believed leadership training (57%) and confidence building (56%) would help move more women into future leadership roles. The report states that this persistent lack of confidence likely is holding women back professionally.

The following came from a Forbes article: “Men are not exempt from doubting themselves—but they don’t let their doubts stop them as often as women do. A Hewlett Packard internal report found that men apply for a job or promotion when they meet only 60% of the qualifications, but women apply only if they meet 100% of them. What doomed them was not their actual ability, but rather the decision not to try.”

These are eye-opening statistics.

Confidence building needs to be prioritized. And it’s more than a two-hour seminar or a weekend conference. You don’t go to the gym once expecting to walk out being the fittest you’ve ever been and staying that way. You go regularly to achieve the results you desire and then you continue going to maintain those results.

Confidence is no different. Confidence building takes consistent focus. It helps to find the right tools and a strong mentor or coach to guide you and keep you in check until you can take off the training wheels and maintain your balance to keep going down that road on your own.

There will always be something occurring in life that will challenge you and your confidence.

You know what makes those situations easier to get through?

Confidence.

Funny how that works.

*Source: KPMG Women’s Leadership Study

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